September 28, 2006

Standing on the edge

I was never that girl- the one who caught everyone's attention. I don't get drinks sent to me by strangers in a bar. I don't inspire double takes when I pass by. I was always the safe, unthreatening girl. Everyone's buddy, and therefore no one's date. I had close relationships with boys when I was younger, close enough for them to feel very comfortable telling me all about the unattainable objects of their unrequited love or lust.

I'm not a bad looking woman, but not necessarily a good looking one either. My husband saw something in me he liked, and still likes, and I in him. And we are good, we are fine, we still love each other after over ten years of marriage in every sense of the word "love." But there comes a time when you start to wonder whether you are loved and desired because of familiarity and comfort, or whether anyone other than your other half sees anything there.

I was never that girl- the one men saw as sexy without trying to be. I was never watched appreciately as I walked across the room. I never had a man buy me a drink at the hotel bar and invite me to his room.

Until now.

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